Sigh

You know you live in a one horse town in the middle of nowhere when you have to go to three separate restaurants just to find a frozen dairy treat. Yes, a Wendy's and a McDonald's didn't have soft ice cream on a spring Friday night. "Ragequit life"

What I Find Fault With In "The Fault In Our Stars"

Sigh, the book that every teenage girl on the planet but me loved to death. The critically acclaimed love story that was called, "touching and real." The Fault In Our Stars, written by who is said to be the best young adult author of the decade, John Green. Having read this book numerous times, and seen the blockbuster movie of the same name as well, I consider myself knowledgable of the story and characters enough to have an articulate opinion about it. I'm breaking down the novel to its core, and saying why it, in my opinion, is actually pretty bad. Here we go! (If you haven't read this book, or seen the movie in fact, be warned. Spoilers below!)

Augustus. Freaking. Waters. First of all, that name. Come on, really? No one has a name that pretentious! In fact, every tiny thing about this supposed dreamboat is pretentious. (Yes, I didn't faint when I first saw Ansel Elgort. Get over it.) Come on, his name, every single word he says, and every single one of his habits. Honest to God, when I first read about him, what do I even call it? Fake smoking? I almost screamed with annoyance. I understand the metaphor, I really truly do, but why on earth do you put something that could kill you between your teeth at all? What's the freaking point? I tried to reread this novel today, in fact, and I had to put it down because of how much I hate this character. 

An Imperial Affliction: I did not buy this book half off at Barnes and Noble to read about a fictional book. This novel is almost the SOLE focus of the main characters for the most of the story,  and I was truly saddened when I found out I was reading about reading a book. 

Yay, Another Cancer Story: These are really trendy right now, and The Fault In Our Stars takes the cake for the cheesiest sick kid book ever. We get it, they're sick, they're young, blah blah blah. So, does that mean I can't meet a nice guy and go to Amsterdam if I'm perfectly healthy? 

Will They? Won't They?: The first part of this book is just pondering this question, even though the outcome is totally predictable if you have half a brain. Gus chases after Hazel, they go to Amsterdam, meet her idol who's a total jerk, and you wonder all the while when they're finally going to just freaking make out already. They do. In the Anne Frank House. Disrespectful much?

These were some of the things that I noticed while pouring through this book. If The Fault In Our Stars happens to be your favorite book, I'm terribly sorry I trashed it. I'm just made of pure snark, and maybe you understand the magic of it that for the love of God I just can't comprehend. If you happen to be John Green, you're actually a really good writer. I absolutely adore Looking For Alaska. Just not this one. Sorry. 😆

The Truth About Dogs

Today was just one of those days. You know, wondering what you're doing with your life, being bored out your skull, and what's one way to fix that? Movies! I was casually flipping through channels, when one of my favorite comedies, Marley And Me popped up on the guide. I only planned to watch a little bit of it, but naturally after a half an hour I was thoroughly invested. If you have seen this movie, and I don't doubt this (If you haven't, for the love of God, stop reading and rent that sucker.) you will know and remember the fantastic tear jerking ending. If you have an ounce of empathy in your soul you will cry at this movie every single time. It never ever fails, I'm telling you right now. These last ten minutes of cinematic perfection give you a rush of feels that not a lot of things can make you experience. (Except for every episode of Fairy Tail.)

Now, I have a dog. She is a nine month old yellow Labrador retriever, and her name is, fittingly, Peaches. This is her a few months ago.

 Adorable, right? I happened to be sitting right next to this little girl when I was watching the end of the movie, and as usual the waterworks started flowing. However, it really got me thinking. By words of John Grogan/Owen Wilson, "A dog has no use for fancy cars, big homes, or designer clothes. A water logged stick will do just fine. A dog doesn't care if you're rich or poor, smart or dumb. Give him your heart and he'll give you his." Dogs will be there 110% of the time, and will never judge you. They love unconditionally, and are some of the only creatures that do. Humans come in and out of your life, and betray and hurt others. Dogs won't hurt a fly. When dogs are old, they'll sit on your lap and stare up at you like you're their whole world. When it's their time, they'll look at you like this, and let you know that you did a good job, and that they love you. I had an older dog who watched over me every minute when I was younger, always being there. Then one day, my Dad came to get me early from school, and a few hours later we said goodbye. I know she's chasing squirrels right now, wherever she is. Dogs don't live as long as humans, but they leave a bigger impact then humans ever could. That is the truth about dogs.

Mr. Sassy Pants And Lung Inhalation

You know it's an off day when you have your hands inside a moose heart and get sassed by a teacher in a matter of two hours. Honestly, I feel bad for substitute teachers sometimes. Obviously their pay sucks, they're normally uptight, and more often then not they are given an extremely hard time. Today, after remembering that we were having a sub, I entered my choir class with a heavy heart. I recalled having this certain sub before, but was still not happy about it. There are these two girls who sit behind me who I'm sure annoy the heck out of everybody. Clearly the only reason they signed up for choir was for the easy A, and it's expressed in the fact that all they do is pass notes and giggle like complete idiots. Obnoxious people affect my brain like nothing else, so these two are part of the reason I don't look forward to choir. Anyway, all the sub wanted to do was get class started, and actually start singing. You know, because, it's choir class, and I could see the red of anger rising in his face. He wanted us to sing along to an accompaniment, but he did not know the music well, and didn't know when to cue is. We missed the beginning of the lyrics 3 or 4 times, and he told us to pay attention to our sheet music. Now, my anger was rising at this point, and I pointed out to him that A, we were used to being cued, and B, we couldn't read music. Well, guess what? Mr. Sassy Pants responded with a snotty, "Well, maybe you should learn to read music then." Very adult of you sir, I greatly appreciate your overflowing maturity.



 However, I assure you that the tail end of this rant/day overview is much better. Next hour was science, and our class was eagerly looking forward to dissecting moose hearts and lungs. Of course, I myself was excited. There were also the typical squeamish kids, but that's beside the point and a rant for another day. I entered the science classroom, smelling blood and something I couldn't detect. Maybe it was whatever internal organs smell like. I don't have experience with that, as I shouldn't. As my teacher started to dissect the heart, I swear the entire class let out a sigh of amazement. I even got to hold it! However, why on earth would I be telling you this if it didn't have some comedic moment? I wouldn't, would I? After observing the heart, my instructor led us over to the lungs, and showed us how the lungs expanded and contracted by blowing into a tube. I kid you not, he accidentally inhaled some blood and lung bits. Being right next to him, it was actually quite disgusting, but a room full of students had a good laugh over that.