What I Find Fault With In "The Fault In Our Stars"

Sigh, the book that every teenage girl on the planet but me loved to death. The critically acclaimed love story that was called, "touching and real." The Fault In Our Stars, written by who is said to be the best young adult author of the decade, John Green. Having read this book numerous times, and seen the blockbuster movie of the same name as well, I consider myself knowledgable of the story and characters enough to have an articulate opinion about it. I'm breaking down the novel to its core, and saying why it, in my opinion, is actually pretty bad. Here we go! (If you haven't read this book, or seen the movie in fact, be warned. Spoilers below!)

Augustus. Freaking. Waters. First of all, that name. Come on, really? No one has a name that pretentious! In fact, every tiny thing about this supposed dreamboat is pretentious. (Yes, I didn't faint when I first saw Ansel Elgort. Get over it.) Come on, his name, every single word he says, and every single one of his habits. Honest to God, when I first read about him, what do I even call it? Fake smoking? I almost screamed with annoyance. I understand the metaphor, I really truly do, but why on earth do you put something that could kill you between your teeth at all? What's the freaking point? I tried to reread this novel today, in fact, and I had to put it down because of how much I hate this character. 

An Imperial Affliction: I did not buy this book half off at Barnes and Noble to read about a fictional book. This novel is almost the SOLE focus of the main characters for the most of the story,  and I was truly saddened when I found out I was reading about reading a book. 

Yay, Another Cancer Story: These are really trendy right now, and The Fault In Our Stars takes the cake for the cheesiest sick kid book ever. We get it, they're sick, they're young, blah blah blah. So, does that mean I can't meet a nice guy and go to Amsterdam if I'm perfectly healthy? 

Will They? Won't They?: The first part of this book is just pondering this question, even though the outcome is totally predictable if you have half a brain. Gus chases after Hazel, they go to Amsterdam, meet her idol who's a total jerk, and you wonder all the while when they're finally going to just freaking make out already. They do. In the Anne Frank House. Disrespectful much?

These were some of the things that I noticed while pouring through this book. If The Fault In Our Stars happens to be your favorite book, I'm terribly sorry I trashed it. I'm just made of pure snark, and maybe you understand the magic of it that for the love of God I just can't comprehend. If you happen to be John Green, you're actually a really good writer. I absolutely adore Looking For Alaska. Just not this one. Sorry. 😆